January 3rd – Dancing Trucks and Wine

1999: Mummy awoke to me tap dancing on her bedroom floor (currently void of carpet so it makes a truly authentic noise).  Honestly performers get paid mega bucks for doing this and appreciation shown in standing ovations.  You would think mum would be grateful to get this for free without having to even travel anywhere!  Some people are so ungrateful.  Uncle Terry bought me a blow up Teletubbies tent for Christmas, which, unfortunately for mummy I want put up every day.  Still it only takes 15 minutes to pump up by hand.  Only problem is (apart from Mummy being Knackered and unable to play for the rest of the day) the pump nozzle is too big and has stretched the hole so the stopper now doesn’t fit.  Hopefully a Winnie the Poo plaster will fix it!  Talking of poo – Mum I need one.  I actually did it on the toilet today – usually I tell mummy when it’s in the leg of my pyjama’s or trousers. Well bless her; I guess she deserves a break every now and again.  Afterwards I got dressed and then I played with my new, big truck (a Christmas pressie from Mummy’s friend Dev).  Once Mum was dressed she started down the stairs and said “come on Jack you’re going to Daddy’s today”.  I said “truck” and she said I could bring it down and take it with me.  This conversation was repeated 4 times, with me staying static, before mum realised that what I was actually saying was “stuck”.  My sock was caught on the bare gripper of her bedroom.  I eventually got off to Daddy’s – minus gripper and had a lovely day.  When I got home mummy and I had fizz.  I had straight lemonade and mummy had wine with hers.  We were sat watching T.V., my drink was so tasty I gulped it down before mum realised that I was actually drinking hers! Mmm.  That was nice.  Should sleep well tonight.

2019:

Still playing with trucks – have one parked outside full of loft insulation waiting for me to get back into after the festive hols. Meanwhile, just to keep me amused, I’m driving lots of different vehicles on X-box as I am now legally old enough to play GTA and too old to be restricted and grounded so now mums the one who’s stuck! (and so were the conservatory doors tonight when mum somehow accidentally managed to perfectly line up a box lid to prevent the slide – she couldn’t have done it if she’d actually tried!) Check out ditzydotcom