January 7th – Chocolate, Nuts and Crohn’s

1999:  Slept the whole night in my own bed, I must be slacking, will have to do better than that tonight. Before we left for Edon’s today, I spied a big tube of Smarties, which someone had apparently dropped round for me last night.  What a treat, I’m not usually allowed, but I’ve seen them now mum – you should have hidden them sooner (I mean you had all night).  Meanie head said that I couldn’t have them for breakfast, so I decided to take them with me.  I put them on the dashboard and guzzled my drink.  Mum tried all sorts of distractions, but I know her game, she was hoping I would forget they were there.  Is she stupid?  I mean she’d remember her sweeties so what makes her think I wouldn’t remember mine?  I humoured her, responded to her distractive ramblings and once at Edon’s got out of the car, Smarties tightly clenched in hand.

2019: Well mums away in Tenerife and I’ve been working hard all day and grabbing what I can to snack on. To be fair, I love my sweets still, but know chocolate really effects my Chron’s so I tend to avoid this. Along with spicy food and nuts – so what did mum put in my Christmas sack – Wasabi bloomin nuts!

#ditzy #humour #toddlers #childhood #adulthood #chocolate #food #crohns

January 6th – Hiding and Driving

1999: I decided to be good this morning (well I give the old girl a break from time to time) and played nicely with my toys whilst mum was getting ready. I have found a new hiding place – not in the beds or behind the doors – but in the suitcase in Mummys room. She found it very funny and I had to stay there while she ran downstairs to get the camera. Not that I minded; I love a good pose. My good behaviour continued throughout the day.  Edon reckons mum has me well trained as I put Edons’ slippers on for her when we came in and fetched her boots for her when it was time to go out again. Edon found this very funny, but it’s no laughing matter you know, my mum’s a right slave driver!  I wanted to go to Nanny and Pa’s tonight, but mum said no.  So I just said “Nan, Nan, Nan” over and over again, getting louder and louder until she gave in.  Well it saved her cooking tea didn’t it?  Pa had bought me a Teletubbies CD and now my totally un-trendy mummy has to try and learn all the dances.  She just can’t keep up.

2019: I remember that mum usually had to drive herself home after these visits as I would go in Pa’s van with him, pretending to be a bus and making him stop at all the bus stops. I now have my own work van and today had to drive to Burnley and back to load up with panels. Left at 5am and back at 8pm but I didn’t have time stop at any bus stops

January 5th – The Responsibility of Parents

1999: Total repeat of yesterday, which is a bit worrying because that’s now two days running that mum’s awoken to find me in her bed and doesn’t know how I got there.  I’ll let you into a secret – I walked you daft cow.  Snooze, snooze, and snooze.  Eventually I had to take control and kick her out of bed.  Parents, they’re such a responsibility.  I recommend kids think very seriously before having them. All went well at Edon’s today, apparently I got the training thing wrong yesterday, and it’s actually about peeing in a pot.  I can do that, no trouble.  Not going to do it for mum though.  I think she has a bit of an easy time of it at that work thing all day so within 5 minutes of us getting home I spilt my milk all over the place and weed on the kitchen floor.  

2019: I’m not gonna lie. I probably still pee in inappropriate places when I’ve had a few too many bevvies. Not out tonight though – lured to stay in with night before holiday Chinese. Not my holiday unfortunately, but the Chinese was good! #toddlers #pottytraining #childhood #adulthood #humour #chinese

 

January 3rd – Dancing Trucks and Wine

1999: Mummy awoke to me tap dancing on her bedroom floor (currently void of carpet so it makes a truly authentic noise).  Honestly performers get paid mega bucks for doing this and appreciation shown in standing ovations.  You would think mum would be grateful to get this for free without having to even travel anywhere!  Some people are so ungrateful.  Uncle Terry bought me a blow up Teletubbies tent for Christmas, which, unfortunately for mummy I want put up every day.  Still it only takes 15 minutes to pump up by hand.  Only problem is (apart from Mummy being Knackered and unable to play for the rest of the day) the pump nozzle is too big and has stretched the hole so the stopper now doesn’t fit.  Hopefully a Winnie the Poo plaster will fix it!  Talking of poo – Mum I need one.  I actually did it on the toilet today – usually I tell mummy when it’s in the leg of my pyjama’s or trousers. Well bless her; I guess she deserves a break every now and again.  Afterwards I got dressed and then I played with my new, big truck (a Christmas pressie from Mummy’s friend Dev).  Once Mum was dressed she started down the stairs and said “come on Jack you’re going to Daddy’s today”.  I said “truck” and she said I could bring it down and take it with me.  This conversation was repeated 4 times, with me staying static, before mum realised that what I was actually saying was “stuck”.  My sock was caught on the bare gripper of her bedroom.  I eventually got off to Daddy’s – minus gripper and had a lovely day.  When I got home mummy and I had fizz.  I had straight lemonade and mummy had wine with hers.  We were sat watching T.V., my drink was so tasty I gulped it down before mum realised that I was actually drinking hers! Mmm.  That was nice.  Should sleep well tonight.

2019:

Still playing with trucks – have one parked outside full of loft insulation waiting for me to get back into after the festive hols. Meanwhile, just to keep me amused, I’m driving lots of different vehicles on X-box as I am now legally old enough to play GTA and too old to be restricted and grounded so now mums the one who’s stuck! (and so were the conservatory doors tonight when mum somehow accidentally managed to perfectly line up a box lid to prevent the slide – she couldn’t have done it if she’d actually tried!) Check out ditzydotcom