January 16th – Car Problems

1999: Gale force winds this morning and mummy thought the tiles were going to blow off the roof.  They didn’t, but later we noticed that both the fences in the back garden were down.  Mum decided to have a lovely relaxing bath this morning, but I had other ideas.  What all that lovely water and bubbles just for one?  No way, I’m getting in too.  Uncle Eddy was on the TV. last night and mum had taped it for me.  I was glued to the telly mimicking him, laughing, clapping and reaching out for a hug and at the end shouting “again, again…Pease”.   Our car (which we only got a month ago) has had to have a new engine in it and this morning the man from the garage dropped it round to us.  Mummy and I then had to drive him back to the garage.  On the way I told mummy that I wanted “ish” and wriggled my fingers.  One fish fingers happy meal coming up, complete with Eeyor.  I decided to eat out of mum’s filet box, as it was easier.  I saved 6 chips and ketchup, I closed the box and took it with me, but as we were leaving the box came open and all fell on the floor.  We called in to see Dandell and Dessica for a while and mummy invited them to my party on Thursday.  On the way home we went to ASDA to get my party bits including a very expensive Tellytubby cake. Personally I think she’s mad, I wouldn’t have paid that much for it, but if mummy wants to who am I to spoil her fun!  When we got home mummy unloaded the car and then came back for me, only to discover that I was minus an L.A light trainer.  She says she wouldn’t mind but they were a lot of money and the only reason she bought them was because I was desperate for foot attire and they were the only ones that fitted.  She jumped back in the car to return to ASDA for the hunt, but the car wouldn’t start.  I sat very, very, quietly.  Mummy rang the garage, and the man came out to look at the car only to discover that the choke had been left on and it was flooded!  Mummy was so embarrassed, especially as she had had the bonnet up and checked the battery and spark plugs before she called them.  It’s the simple things in life mum…

Nanny and Pa came round later with a huge torch.  They had been to look in the trolleys and car park at ASDA, in a bid to save my trainer to no avail.  Mummy then went out with Pa and I cried and I cried and I cried, until mummy got back.  Nanny had tried to console me but all I did was wee all over her.  Anyway there was a happy ending; Mum found my trainer in one of the trolleys and Nanny went home to put dry trousers on.

2019:  No lost shoes today but I clearly spoke to soon yesterday about not destroying things. Fender bender today in the van taking someone’s front wing with me.   Well, he pulled up on my blindside when I was sat waiting to turn right at a junction.

January 14th – Table Manners

1999: I had a very restless night and apparently so did mum – now that’s what I call a coincidence.  I slept in every angle possible on both beds (we swapped 4 times apparently) and at 6.30 started muttering about Pat again.  Of course most of this is mummy’s version of events as I was mostly asleep throughout and I really think she’s taking this Pat thing a bit too far now. Mum made me cry at breakfast this morning.  I was quite happily sitting in my high chair, flapping a whole rasher of bacon from my mouth, when Mummy told me to take it out.  Well I didn’t see what was wrong with this so I carried on doing it and do you know what she did? She broke my bacon!  After breakfast we went for a swim for a whole hour – Mummy eventually bribed me out of the pool with Pat (I thought you didn’t like him, this is so confusing).

Tonight I did my usual in the dining room making everyone on my table wear their napkins in their collar, just like me and then I gradually pull mine out so that they’re all sat there looking very funny and I’m the grown up one with mine abandoned!   After dinner we went to the cabaret room for our usual dance.  All week I have wanted to stand on the stage and sing into the microphone to the music, and tonight mummy let me do it.  It was great fun and everyone was looking at me.  The trouble started when a man then came on and started playing the organ and singing, and I wanted to go on the stage “again”.  Mummy said I couldn’t as I’d already played and it was now the man’s turn and suggested we danced instead.  As we danced on the floor I realized that everyone was paying attention to the man on the organ and not me and I wanted to join in with him, so I smacked mummy in the face and next thing I knew I was being marched off to bed.  Well no one’s going to see me there are they you stupid woman!!

2019: No dancing or playing today just lots of hard work in stuffy lofts. Still like my tunes though and sing along in my van loud and clear. Tried to stay awake to welcome Mum and Mark home but was soundo in my bed by the time they got back

January 13th – What Chance did I have?

1999: After breakfast I wanted to take the lift, I called it, we got in and I pressed G for ground.  I kept on pressing G and all that happened was the doors kept opening and closing and eventually mum said we’d best get out as it obviously wasn’t working.  As we walked out, mummy suddenly realized that we had already walked up the stairs from the basement and were on the ground floor.  So much for the responsible, guiding adult.  When we eventually got back to the room we wrapped up really warm, complete with fleece, waterproofs, wellies and hats, picked up our buckets and spades and off we set for the beach.  After a fair walk we eventually arrived at the beach only to discover there wasn’t one as the tide was right in and the water looked very stormy.  I settled for jumping in puddles, walking along the walls and running across the green instead.  We decided to go back to the hotel as mum said I could go in Billy Bears Den, but we got there to discover we had half an hour to wait before it opened.  Mummy seemed more disappointed than me, I thought it was great as Pat kept me amused.  No mummy don’t shoot him.   We went to dinner via the cellar bar and Postman Pat.  Mummy says that next year, instead of a holiday, she’s going to hire me a Pat ride for a week; if only! I had so  many rides mum needed a wee before dinner and has now discovered the true meaning of using a public loo.  As she was sat weeing, I unlocked the door and threw it wide open.  Not contented with this I ran out of the toilets leaving mummy frantically trying to stop weeing, pull knickers up and catch me before I ran out the doors of the hotel. 

2019: Its surprising I turned out as fine tuned considering my ditzy mum as a role model. No longer have any of my childhood videos (or a player) although I did hang on to the Wiggles one for a while as mum really didn’t like that one. Toot Toot, Chugger Chugger Big Red Car. Perhaps I should swap my silver Golf ………. More into horror movies now (although mum thinks there is a similarity here) and making Zof jump whenever I can. Have had a relaxed weekend together but rang mum today to check what time she is home tomorrow so I can tidy up!

January 11th – Dancing, Holidays and Food

1999: Off on our hols today.  As we were getting ready to go I had to sit on the suitcase so that mummy could get it done up.  Mummy has 4 pairs of trousers, 4 tops and 2 jumpers, but we seem to have a huge suitcase, a huge rucksack and a huge carrier bag plus a bag full of toys, as well as mum’s handbag and my very own backpack.  Uncle Terry drove us and during the journey I practiced saying T-E-R-R-Y, formerly known as Ar, now known as Eddy!  We arrived early at The Grand in Margate so we stashed the luggage (which took over the whole reception area) and went to the games room and I had a ride in Pats Van (Mum has a feeling we could spend the whole week here – well look on the bright side at least you’ll know all the words to Postman Pat Mum).  Eventually Mummy tempted me away with a chocolate biscuit, but when I saw |her banana cake I changed my mind.  I ate all the icing and kindly left Mummy the mangled cake bit.  We collected our room keys and went on the mammoth trek to our room.  We circum navigated through corridors, stairs and lifts with me in the buggy and mummy carrying the bags.  By the time we got to the room mummy was praying that Jeremy Beadle would jump out and say it was all a wind up. But he didn’t and it wasn’t.  We navigated the globe back to reception and asked if someone was available to help with the rest of the bags, there was a porter, so we left the rest of the bags and headed back to our room.  We decided to go back via the road as there were far less lifts and stairs, only to find that we couldn’t get in the hotel that end as the door was locked and we had to walk all the way back again. The long corridors, in my buggy, without the luggage are actually great.  Mummy and I raced up them, along the back straight, through the chicane and down the ravine. Mum’s looking a bit red though  Tonight we got dressed up and I escorted my mum to dinner.  I was such a gent I even held the doors open for her.  The dining room however was a slightly different matter as there was so much to explore and spoilsport mummy ended up getting a high chair for me.  After dinner we went to the cabaret room and mummy and I waltzed around the floor.  

2020: I think  may have been unfairly blamed for the packing. I will go away for a week with hand luggage where mum seems to need this plus a big case! Then again I don’t have lots of nappies now and several clothes for “training”. Can just imagine mum doing all that running and pushing me around in the buggy but it would probably be the other way round now. Meanwhile I’ll just stick to my van and car. Still love dressing up, going to dinner and dancing when I get the chance. This week though I am literally working, cooking  tea (with garlic) and falling into bed to eat and sleep and get ready to start again

January 7th – Chocolate, Nuts and Crohn’s

1999:  Slept the whole night in my own bed, I must be slacking, will have to do better than that tonight. Before we left for Edon’s today, I spied a big tube of Smarties, which someone had apparently dropped round for me last night.  What a treat, I’m not usually allowed, but I’ve seen them now mum – you should have hidden them sooner (I mean you had all night).  Meanie head said that I couldn’t have them for breakfast, so I decided to take them with me.  I put them on the dashboard and guzzled my drink.  Mum tried all sorts of distractions, but I know her game, she was hoping I would forget they were there.  Is she stupid?  I mean she’d remember her sweeties so what makes her think I wouldn’t remember mine?  I humoured her, responded to her distractive ramblings and once at Edon’s got out of the car, Smarties tightly clenched in hand.

2019: Well mums away in Tenerife and I’ve been working hard all day and grabbing what I can to snack on. To be fair, I love my sweets still, but know chocolate really effects my Chron’s so I tend to avoid this. Along with spicy food and nuts – so what did mum put in my Christmas sack – Wasabi bloomin nuts!

#ditzy #humour #toddlers #childhood #adulthood #chocolate #food #crohns

January 6th – Hiding and Driving

1999: I decided to be good this morning (well I give the old girl a break from time to time) and played nicely with my toys whilst mum was getting ready. I have found a new hiding place – not in the beds or behind the doors – but in the suitcase in Mummys room. She found it very funny and I had to stay there while she ran downstairs to get the camera. Not that I minded; I love a good pose. My good behaviour continued throughout the day.  Edon reckons mum has me well trained as I put Edons’ slippers on for her when we came in and fetched her boots for her when it was time to go out again. Edon found this very funny, but it’s no laughing matter you know, my mum’s a right slave driver!  I wanted to go to Nanny and Pa’s tonight, but mum said no.  So I just said “Nan, Nan, Nan” over and over again, getting louder and louder until she gave in.  Well it saved her cooking tea didn’t it?  Pa had bought me a Teletubbies CD and now my totally un-trendy mummy has to try and learn all the dances.  She just can’t keep up.

2019: I remember that mum usually had to drive herself home after these visits as I would go in Pa’s van with him, pretending to be a bus and making him stop at all the bus stops. I now have my own work van and today had to drive to Burnley and back to load up with panels. Left at 5am and back at 8pm but I didn’t have time stop at any bus stops

January 4th – Tea, Wee and Driving

1999: Mummy awoke with the alarm, to find me lying next to her, she cannot remember how or when I got there (and she accused me of guzzling the fizz!).  She turned off the alarm and we snoozed on and off.  Here we go again. Rush, rush, rush, rush, rush.  We went down to do my milk and mum’s tea, but I want tea too.  I refused to put my milk in the microwave and with a persistent shouting of “tea” I eventually got my own way. Only ate half of my banana this morning, mummy decided to wear the rest of it on her coat.  Fashion has obviously taken a very strange turn.  Wasn’t too keen to go to ‘Edon’s’ today, but go I did, with a bag full of clothes in preparation for something called ‘training’.  When Mum left I did my half screaming, half laughing, and half crying bit.  How could she leave me?  Has she gone?  Oh, great – let’s play! Have discovered what the ‘training’ bits about, it’s to develop my impersonating skills – today I did an excellent Niagara Falls, whilst in the high chair.  Personally I think it would have been far more effective standing up and given free range, but Director Edon thought differently and tried to collect most of it in a towel.  

2019:

Well carrying on the wet theme – the tumble dryer packed in today so Zof had to go to work in wet jeans and I collected a new one from Argos. Was great to get back in the truck again (well 3.5 tun) and feel the roar. Had to drive it down from Burnley the other week in a mighty storm and have to drive it there again on Sunday to pick up some boards. Looking forward to getting back to work now.