March 22nd – Viral Break Dancing

1999: Still spotty but they’re not as red.  Didn’t like the light much in my bedroom, it was “bright” and I covered my eyes.  We played hide and seek, but mum hasn’t quite got the hang of it.  She keeps finding me and saying boo, but I stay hidden until I feel like it, and then I say ’boo’.  She’ll get the hang of it eventually.  Went to children’s world to get some new trainers as mine are scuffed.  I’m still a size 7G but ended up with 8G trainer?!  The lady said this was the best fit, but mum didn’t seem so sure.  I went for the professionals view, but mum keeps calling me flipper.  Went to the doctors to show him my spots. He says I either have Scarlet Fever, Allergic reaction or a Virus.  Not much choice then! 

2019: Another hard days work and a hard cheek blow when I was stacking bricks and one decided to stack it into my right cheek bone. I have a gash, its red and eating dinner tonight at spoons with Mum, Mark and Kiegan for his 21st, I felt as if I had bitten off something crunchy and sharp. Maybe a tooth? Maybe part of my cheek bone? But as mum says, I may well have matching sides now. I broke my left cheek bone just over a year ago whilst club performing in a cage. I spun over the top bar, which collapsed taking me many meters to the floor. Not my best move ….

#kids #toddlers #shoes #trainers #hideandseek #viruses #scarletfever #rashes #humpur #growingup #work #builders #breaks #dental #whetherspoons #birthdays #eating

January 26th – Boys Toys and Games

1999:  I got mum a cracker this morning – I fell over in my bedroom, mum asked if I was okay and I said ‘yes’, but she noticed my nose was running and went off to get some tissue.  I followed mummy into the bathroom and held out my hand and she thought I’d hurt it.  Mummy kissed it better not realising until that point that I was actually holding out my hand to show her that I’d been very grown up and wiped my own nose with it!  I found her facial contortions highly amusing and now keep giving her ‘presents’ but she hasn’t fallen for it again.  We went to Donals tonight as promised but it was a bit of a let-down as they had run out of boxes and decent toys.  So much for a happy meal – it didn’t make me very happy and I hardly touched any of my chicken nuggets (loodaloo) or chips.  Well it’s not the same without the box is it?!  On the way home we called in to see Dev who found me an excellent motorbike alarm clock.  I loved it so much he said I could keep it.  I was chuffed but mum didn’t seem so pleased.  I think it’s really cool – it revs up and makes real bike sounds and it’s really loud.  I played with it all night and on the way home I fell asleep with it on.  Every time mummy stopped the car and turned it off, I woke up and turned it back on again.  Mum, its soothing okay?

2019: Morning at the beauty parlour waiting for Zof to get her eyelash extensions done and then off to Cirque in London. A very messy night but a great post birthday celebration. I have since had 3 real motorbikes – one when I was 5 and one when I was 6. These faired far better than my first on road bike that I paid £1100 for and blew it up within a month. Got my car for now but one day ………

#motorbikes #London #girlfriend #toddlers #childhood #Adulthood #cirque #cars

January 14th – Table Manners

1999: I had a very restless night and apparently so did mum – now that’s what I call a coincidence.  I slept in every angle possible on both beds (we swapped 4 times apparently) and at 6.30 started muttering about Pat again.  Of course most of this is mummy’s version of events as I was mostly asleep throughout and I really think she’s taking this Pat thing a bit too far now. Mum made me cry at breakfast this morning.  I was quite happily sitting in my high chair, flapping a whole rasher of bacon from my mouth, when Mummy told me to take it out.  Well I didn’t see what was wrong with this so I carried on doing it and do you know what she did? She broke my bacon!  After breakfast we went for a swim for a whole hour – Mummy eventually bribed me out of the pool with Pat (I thought you didn’t like him, this is so confusing).

Tonight I did my usual in the dining room making everyone on my table wear their napkins in their collar, just like me and then I gradually pull mine out so that they’re all sat there looking very funny and I’m the grown up one with mine abandoned!   After dinner we went to the cabaret room for our usual dance.  All week I have wanted to stand on the stage and sing into the microphone to the music, and tonight mummy let me do it.  It was great fun and everyone was looking at me.  The trouble started when a man then came on and started playing the organ and singing, and I wanted to go on the stage “again”.  Mummy said I couldn’t as I’d already played and it was now the man’s turn and suggested we danced instead.  As we danced on the floor I realized that everyone was paying attention to the man on the organ and not me and I wanted to join in with him, so I smacked mummy in the face and next thing I knew I was being marched off to bed.  Well no one’s going to see me there are they you stupid woman!!

2019: No dancing or playing today just lots of hard work in stuffy lofts. Still like my tunes though and sing along in my van loud and clear. Tried to stay awake to welcome Mum and Mark home but was soundo in my bed by the time they got back

January 12th – Antibiotics, Food and Gut Bacteria

 

1999:  We arrived for breakfast to discover the high chair ready and waiting.  I ate bacon, a sausage (which looked remarkably like poo, I picked it up and said so very, very loudly, at which point Mummy crawled under the table, I don’t know why, she can be so embarrassing at times) and a slice of toast and marmalade.   Trudged around in the freezing cold sleet for 30 minutes to find a GP surgery as I keep falling over and am now back on antibiotics for ear infection.  We went swimming and I did really well holding mummy’s hand up and down the swan slide and so eventually she let me have a go on my own.   I fell backwards; mummy caught my leg just in time.  She had a banged leg and I have a banged back. In the dining room tonight I wanted the “ man” (waiter) to pour my juice into my cup.  He obliged saying “hold it tight” as I held on to my cup.  All was going well until half way through when I dropped the whole lot over my trousers.  We had to go back to the room to change and I had hysterics thinking I was going to bed, but we went out again – dancing. I have won the hearts of all, nearly everyone here knows my name and I had several dances with several ladies tonight.  I wave to them all when I leave one room and say hello when I go in to another.  

2019: Well after a hectic week Zof took me out to dinner last night at Bella – our first date restaurant – love Italian and my table manners have improved, although I remain fairly clumsy so drink spillages are not that uncommon. I don’t swim much now but did train as a life guard when I was 17 and spent a year at Camber Sands and a year at Scratby lifeguarding until going on to other things. One of those things being club host and entertainer – still love to dance and be the centre of attention some nights, although other days and nights will see me hiding away from the world with anxiety and depression and I struggle to even place an order at MacDonalds. Things are much better since I met Zof though and we are now thinking of getting our own place. Crohns not great at the moment but I continue of the immune’s and mum is certain a lot of this is due to all the antibiotics I had as a child knocking out my healthy gut bacteria so keeps trying to feed me them too (lucky she’s away at the moment!)

January 11th – Dancing, Holidays and Food

1999: Off on our hols today.  As we were getting ready to go I had to sit on the suitcase so that mummy could get it done up.  Mummy has 4 pairs of trousers, 4 tops and 2 jumpers, but we seem to have a huge suitcase, a huge rucksack and a huge carrier bag plus a bag full of toys, as well as mum’s handbag and my very own backpack.  Uncle Terry drove us and during the journey I practiced saying T-E-R-R-Y, formerly known as Ar, now known as Eddy!  We arrived early at The Grand in Margate so we stashed the luggage (which took over the whole reception area) and went to the games room and I had a ride in Pats Van (Mum has a feeling we could spend the whole week here – well look on the bright side at least you’ll know all the words to Postman Pat Mum).  Eventually Mummy tempted me away with a chocolate biscuit, but when I saw |her banana cake I changed my mind.  I ate all the icing and kindly left Mummy the mangled cake bit.  We collected our room keys and went on the mammoth trek to our room.  We circum navigated through corridors, stairs and lifts with me in the buggy and mummy carrying the bags.  By the time we got to the room mummy was praying that Jeremy Beadle would jump out and say it was all a wind up. But he didn’t and it wasn’t.  We navigated the globe back to reception and asked if someone was available to help with the rest of the bags, there was a porter, so we left the rest of the bags and headed back to our room.  We decided to go back via the road as there were far less lifts and stairs, only to find that we couldn’t get in the hotel that end as the door was locked and we had to walk all the way back again. The long corridors, in my buggy, without the luggage are actually great.  Mummy and I raced up them, along the back straight, through the chicane and down the ravine. Mum’s looking a bit red though  Tonight we got dressed up and I escorted my mum to dinner.  I was such a gent I even held the doors open for her.  The dining room however was a slightly different matter as there was so much to explore and spoilsport mummy ended up getting a high chair for me.  After dinner we went to the cabaret room and mummy and I waltzed around the floor.  

2020: I think  may have been unfairly blamed for the packing. I will go away for a week with hand luggage where mum seems to need this plus a big case! Then again I don’t have lots of nappies now and several clothes for “training”. Can just imagine mum doing all that running and pushing me around in the buggy but it would probably be the other way round now. Meanwhile I’ll just stick to my van and car. Still love dressing up, going to dinner and dancing when I get the chance. This week though I am literally working, cooking  tea (with garlic) and falling into bed to eat and sleep and get ready to start again

January 3rd – Dancing Trucks and Wine

1999: Mummy awoke to me tap dancing on her bedroom floor (currently void of carpet so it makes a truly authentic noise).  Honestly performers get paid mega bucks for doing this and appreciation shown in standing ovations.  You would think mum would be grateful to get this for free without having to even travel anywhere!  Some people are so ungrateful.  Uncle Terry bought me a blow up Teletubbies tent for Christmas, which, unfortunately for mummy I want put up every day.  Still it only takes 15 minutes to pump up by hand.  Only problem is (apart from Mummy being Knackered and unable to play for the rest of the day) the pump nozzle is too big and has stretched the hole so the stopper now doesn’t fit.  Hopefully a Winnie the Poo plaster will fix it!  Talking of poo – Mum I need one.  I actually did it on the toilet today – usually I tell mummy when it’s in the leg of my pyjama’s or trousers. Well bless her; I guess she deserves a break every now and again.  Afterwards I got dressed and then I played with my new, big truck (a Christmas pressie from Mummy’s friend Dev).  Once Mum was dressed she started down the stairs and said “come on Jack you’re going to Daddy’s today”.  I said “truck” and she said I could bring it down and take it with me.  This conversation was repeated 4 times, with me staying static, before mum realised that what I was actually saying was “stuck”.  My sock was caught on the bare gripper of her bedroom.  I eventually got off to Daddy’s – minus gripper and had a lovely day.  When I got home mummy and I had fizz.  I had straight lemonade and mummy had wine with hers.  We were sat watching T.V., my drink was so tasty I gulped it down before mum realised that I was actually drinking hers! Mmm.  That was nice.  Should sleep well tonight.

2019:

Still playing with trucks – have one parked outside full of loft insulation waiting for me to get back into after the festive hols. Meanwhile, just to keep me amused, I’m driving lots of different vehicles on X-box as I am now legally old enough to play GTA and too old to be restricted and grounded so now mums the one who’s stuck! (and so were the conservatory doors tonight when mum somehow accidentally managed to perfectly line up a box lid to prevent the slide – she couldn’t have done it if she’d actually tried!) Check out ditzydotcom