April 7th – Lost Balls and Parties

1999:  Up at 6 this morning, with the alarm.  Mum wasn’t in a very good mood, especially when I started whining in the bath.  Just to complete the start to her day I cried when she left me at Edon’s.  Nan picked me up later on in the morning and Pa and Bomps were home too. Uncle Teddy came round and we watched him on video doing a comedy routine.  I wasn’t to be upstaged though and started mimicking his act.  Later we played football ,  until Teddy lost the ball over the fence!  Some things never change according to Nan!

2019:  Urggh! Don’t know what time I got up today. In fact, I don’t think we fully did. Great house warming party last night but I’m beginning to wonder why I actually came home and did the housework yesterday and why I didn’t listen to mum about the alcohol

#party #football #comedy #humour #housework #toddlers #adults #growingup #alcohol

April 5th – Mischievous Days

1999: Up at 7.00, no prizes for guessing where mum was.  Whilst she was asleep I pooed my nappy and decided to take it off, because that’s what she usually does.  Mum awoke to find marks all over my bed, my carpet and her bed.  Oops!  I had to have a bath and get clean and mum had loads of washing to do. We went to Asda and bought two packed lunches and set off for Danbury lakes.  We walked around and then put a rug on the grass to eat, but we both ended up with wet bums, as the grass was so wet that it soaked through the rug.  We fed the ducks but they weren’t interested so the fish ate the bread instead.  We played ball, I threw it backward over my head, and it rolled down the slope and now the ducks are playing with it!  We went for another walk and I climbed some trees.  Mum got a bit cross though because I kept throwing stones, and she got even crosser when one hit a young boy on the head. Oh dear.  Mum was very apologetic and luckily his mummy was very understanding and forgiving.  Not so with my mum though – we had to go home. 

2019: Bit of a crappy day (literally). Back and shoulder hurting from work. Popped round to mums and ran straight in to the loo. Crohn’s has really flared – suggestions from mum to drink plenty of alcohol, avoid fried and spiced food and alcohol. Good luck with that one – we’ve got a house warming party tomorrow night. Picked up my car from mums after taping the wing mirror back on (I knocked it off after three days of having it – not happy – cant afford to get I fixed so just keep strapping it up)

#sleep #potty training #mess #mischief #toddlers #growing up #crohns #IBD #party #cars #alcohol #food

 

 

 

March 28th – Summer Time Sleepovers (with Alcohol)

1999: I awoke in Aunty Eesa’s bed with mum next to me and the rest of the house was up by 6.15 – but they didn’t seem too impressed.  Anyway I was saved later when Uncle Tony, who was away fishing, rang to say the clocks had gone forward an hour, so there!  We played a bit this morning and aunty Eesa took us home at 10.30 or is it 11.30?  We went to bed when we got in as mum is feeling poorly.  Something to do with Martel, whoever that is! We snuggled up until 3.00!  Mum looked slightly less green when we got up, but I’ve seen her looking better.  I wanted to carry on sleeping really, but eventually gave in to mum’s persistence and went out to play in the garden.  When we went to have a bath the water was really cold and mum had to boil up kettles of water to make it warm. 

2019: Hmm. No issues with Martel on Mums first sleep over but I’m a little green from Jack as I was eventually swigging out of the bottle to try and numb my ankle pain. Swelling has gone down though and I have a bit more movement so will just continue to hobble until it heals. Don’t really want to be travelling to Budapest with plaster on anyhow. Although assisted flying is quite good – I had this flying back from Ireland once with a broken toe. The first of many toe breaks. My big toes are now so numb I’m continually stubbing them as cannot feel them!

#fishing #alcohol #britishsummertime #alchohol #martel #JD #breaks #injuries #sleepovers #budapest

January 5th – The Responsibility of Parents

1999: Total repeat of yesterday, which is a bit worrying because that’s now two days running that mum’s awoken to find me in her bed and doesn’t know how I got there.  I’ll let you into a secret – I walked you daft cow.  Snooze, snooze, and snooze.  Eventually I had to take control and kick her out of bed.  Parents, they’re such a responsibility.  I recommend kids think very seriously before having them. All went well at Edon’s today, apparently I got the training thing wrong yesterday, and it’s actually about peeing in a pot.  I can do that, no trouble.  Not going to do it for mum though.  I think she has a bit of an easy time of it at that work thing all day so within 5 minutes of us getting home I spilt my milk all over the place and weed on the kitchen floor.  

2019: I’m not gonna lie. I probably still pee in inappropriate places when I’ve had a few too many bevvies. Not out tonight though – lured to stay in with night before holiday Chinese. Not my holiday unfortunately, but the Chinese was good! #toddlers #pottytraining #childhood #adulthood #humour #chinese

 

January 3rd – Dancing Trucks and Wine

1999: Mummy awoke to me tap dancing on her bedroom floor (currently void of carpet so it makes a truly authentic noise).  Honestly performers get paid mega bucks for doing this and appreciation shown in standing ovations.  You would think mum would be grateful to get this for free without having to even travel anywhere!  Some people are so ungrateful.  Uncle Terry bought me a blow up Teletubbies tent for Christmas, which, unfortunately for mummy I want put up every day.  Still it only takes 15 minutes to pump up by hand.  Only problem is (apart from Mummy being Knackered and unable to play for the rest of the day) the pump nozzle is too big and has stretched the hole so the stopper now doesn’t fit.  Hopefully a Winnie the Poo plaster will fix it!  Talking of poo – Mum I need one.  I actually did it on the toilet today – usually I tell mummy when it’s in the leg of my pyjama’s or trousers. Well bless her; I guess she deserves a break every now and again.  Afterwards I got dressed and then I played with my new, big truck (a Christmas pressie from Mummy’s friend Dev).  Once Mum was dressed she started down the stairs and said “come on Jack you’re going to Daddy’s today”.  I said “truck” and she said I could bring it down and take it with me.  This conversation was repeated 4 times, with me staying static, before mum realised that what I was actually saying was “stuck”.  My sock was caught on the bare gripper of her bedroom.  I eventually got off to Daddy’s – minus gripper and had a lovely day.  When I got home mummy and I had fizz.  I had straight lemonade and mummy had wine with hers.  We were sat watching T.V., my drink was so tasty I gulped it down before mum realised that I was actually drinking hers! Mmm.  That was nice.  Should sleep well tonight.

2019:

Still playing with trucks – have one parked outside full of loft insulation waiting for me to get back into after the festive hols. Meanwhile, just to keep me amused, I’m driving lots of different vehicles on X-box as I am now legally old enough to play GTA and too old to be restricted and grounded so now mums the one who’s stuck! (and so were the conservatory doors tonight when mum somehow accidentally managed to perfectly line up a box lid to prevent the slide – she couldn’t have done it if she’d actually tried!) Check out ditzydotcom