1999: After breakfast I wanted to take the lift, I called it, we got in and I pressed G for ground. I kept on pressing G and all that happened was the doors kept opening and closing and eventually mum said we’d best get out as it obviously wasn’t working. As we walked out, mummy suddenly realized that we had already walked up the stairs from the basement and were on the ground floor. So much for the responsible, guiding adult. When we eventually got back to the room we wrapped up really warm, complete with fleece, waterproofs, wellies and hats, picked up our buckets and spades and off we set for the beach. After a fair walk we eventually arrived at the beach only to discover there wasn’t one as the tide was right in and the water looked very stormy. I settled for jumping in puddles, walking along the walls and running across the green instead. We decided to go back to the hotel as mum said I could go in Billy Bears Den, but we got there to discover we had half an hour to wait before it opened. Mummy seemed more disappointed than me, I thought it was great as Pat kept me amused. No mummy don’t shoot him. We went to dinner via the cellar bar and Postman Pat. Mummy says that next year, instead of a holiday, she’s going to hire me a Pat ride for a week; if only! I had so many rides mum needed a wee before dinner and has now discovered the true meaning of using a public loo. As she was sat weeing, I unlocked the door and threw it wide open. Not contented with this I ran out of the toilets leaving mummy frantically trying to stop weeing, pull knickers up and catch me before I ran out the doors of the hotel.
2019: Its surprising I turned out as fine tuned considering my ditzy mum as a role model. No longer have any of my childhood videos (or a player) although I did hang on to the Wiggles one for a while as mum really didn’t like that one. Toot Toot, Chugger Chugger Big Red Car. Perhaps I should swap my silver Golf ………. More into horror movies now (although mum thinks there is a similarity here) and making Zof jump whenever I can. Have had a relaxed weekend together but rang mum today to check what time she is home tomorrow so I can tidy up!
1999: We arrived for breakfast to discover the high chair ready and waiting. I ate bacon, a sausage (which looked remarkably like poo, I picked it up and said so very, very loudly, at which point Mummy crawled under the table, I don’t know why, she can be so embarrassing at times) and a slice of toast and marmalade. Trudged around in the freezing cold sleet for 30 minutes to find a GP surgery as I keep falling over and am now back on antibiotics for ear infection. We went swimming and I did really well holding mummy’s hand up and down the swan slide and so eventually she let me have a go on my own. I fell backwards; mummy caught my leg just in time. She had a banged leg and I have a banged back. In the dining room tonight I wanted the “ man” (waiter) to pour my juice into my cup. He obliged saying “hold it tight” as I held on to my cup. All was going well until half way through when I dropped the whole lot over my trousers. We had to go back to the room to change and I had hysterics thinking I was going to bed, but we went out again – dancing. I have won the hearts of all, nearly everyone here knows my name and I had several dances with several ladies tonight. I wave to them all when I leave one room and say hello when I go in to another.
2019: Well after a hectic week Zof took me out to dinner last night at Bella – our first date restaurant – love Italian and my table manners have improved, although I remain fairly clumsy so drink spillages are not that uncommon. I don’t swim much now but did train as a life guard when I was 17 and spent a year at Camber Sands and a year at Scratby lifeguarding until going on to other things. One of those things being club host and entertainer – still love to dance and be the centre of attention some nights, although other days and nights will see me hiding away from the world with anxiety and depression and I struggle to even place an order at MacDonalds. Things are much better since I met Zof though and we are now thinking of getting our own place. Crohns not great at the moment but I continue of the immune’s and mum is certain a lot of this is due to all the antibiotics I had as a child knocking out my healthy gut bacteria so keeps trying to feed me them too (lucky she’s away at the moment!)
1999: Off on our hols today. As we were getting ready to go I had to sit on the suitcase so that mummy could get it done up. Mummy has 4 pairs of trousers, 4 tops and 2 jumpers, but we seem to have a huge suitcase, a huge rucksack and a huge carrier bag plus a bag full of toys, as well as mum’s handbag and my very own backpack. Uncle Terry drove us and during the journey I practiced saying T-E-R-R-Y, formerly known as Ar, now known as Eddy! We arrived early at The Grand in Margate so we stashed the luggage (which took over the whole reception area) and went to the games room and I had a ride in Pats Van (Mum has a feeling we could spend the whole week here – well look on the bright side at least you’ll know all the words to Postman Pat Mum). Eventually Mummy tempted me away with a chocolate biscuit, but when I saw |her banana cake I changed my mind. I ate all the icing and kindly left Mummy the mangled cake bit. We collected our room keys and went on the mammoth trek to our room. We circum navigated through corridors, stairs and lifts with me in the buggy and mummy carrying the bags. By the time we got to the room mummy was praying that Jeremy Beadle would jump out and say it was all a wind up. But he didn’t and it wasn’t. We navigated the globe back to reception and asked if someone was available to help with the rest of the bags, there was a porter, so we left the rest of the bags and headed back to our room. We decided to go back via the road as there were far less lifts and stairs, only to find that we couldn’t get in the hotel that end as the door was locked and we had to walk all the way back again. The long corridors, in my buggy, without the luggage are actually great. Mummy and I raced up them, along the back straight, through the chicane and down the ravine. Mum’s looking a bit red though Tonight we got dressed up and I escorted my mum to dinner. I was such a gent I even held the doors open for her. The dining room however was a slightly different matter as there was so much to explore and spoilsport mummy ended up getting a high chair for me. After dinner we went to the cabaret room and mummy and I waltzed around the floor.
2020: I think may have been unfairly blamed for the packing. I will go away for a week with hand luggage where mum seems to need this plus a big case! Then again I don’t have lots of nappies now and several clothes for “training”. Can just imagine mum doing all that running and pushing me around in the buggy but it would probably be the other way round now. Meanwhile I’ll just stick to my van and car. Still love dressing up, going to dinner and dancing when I get the chance. This week though I am literally working, cooking tea (with garlic) and falling into bed to eat and sleep and get ready to start again
1999: Stood at the stair gate this morning saying, “Mum, Mum, Mum””. She’s not fooling me, I know she’s downstairs. Up Mummy came to get me and we went downstairs to sleep on one settee and Aunty ‘Bim’ was on the other one. We all slept until 7.15 when I decided it was time for everyone to wake up. Uncle Terry came round this afternoon with lots of new clothes for my holiday. He complained that I “stunk of garlic”. Well so would he if he’d just polished off a garlic baguette. It’s no difference for kids you know. Besides, it makes a change from the usual kiddie smells. When mummy was cooking tea I dragged a chair through from the dining table and stood at the kitchen side. Mummy turned her back to dish up my tea and she turned back to see me fall head first off the chair and roley poley as I landed on my head. I cried from shock and got a Jelly Baby, which I had pointed to immediately as I was lifted up. Anyway, I actually think I was rather clever. I’ve tried to go head over heels since, but I can’t quite manage it without the height factor. I went to bed and was asleep by 7.00. Hopefully Mum will do the same soon, but she said something about ironing and packing. Still, holiday tomorrow………
2019: We still see Bim who progressed over the years to sausage Kim as she used to call me sausage. Still love my garlic and just food generally. Roley Poley – well these progressed to somersaults I used to do gymnastics for school along with several other sports. Not so sure I could do one now but give me a trampoline and I might! Meanwhile I’ll continue with that work thing whilst mum relaxes is Tenerife.
1999: Woke mum in her bed with my cold feet but soon got them warm again on mum’s legs. We snuggled back down for a while until I managed to get her up by uttering the magic words. What I didn’t tell her is I’d already started, so when she quickly took off my nappy it all fell on her foot. Luckily she saw the funny side of it. Phew! Had mum running up and down the stairs today (well you have to try it out with them all don’t you) and on one occasion I actually sat on the loo for 5 minutes, but no action, so mum gave up. I wanted to stay upstairs and play and Mum went down, two minutes later – oh no – “Mum, Mum, Poo”. Eventually, on the third shout she came upstairs; too late I’m afraid it was all over the landing. Well that will teach her to listen to me in the first place. Went over the town today. I wanted to get out and jump in the puddles, but unfortunately mum just doesn’t have any sense of adventure and she seemed to think that just pushing the buggy through the puddles would suffice. I couldn’t be bothered to argue, so I just pretended it was fun. On the way back we went to the burger van and ordered two bacon rolls, and I happily munched mine on the way home and I ate two whole bites.
2019: What can I say? I’d eat both bacon rolls right now and mum still does not listen to me – although I am usually right and its now me saying “see. I told you so”. Check out her ditzy blog to get a better understanding of what I have to put up with!
1999: Got into mums bed this morning with …………………Nan? Oh that’s right mum had to go to work again last night! Well I’m making the most of this, sorry Nan but there’s no way I’m going back to sleep. I spoke to mum on the phone at 8.00 when she rang to say good morning and to see if I was being a good boy. Why shouldn’t I be? She has no faith my Mother. Doesn’t she realize yet that I only play up when she’s around – moaning at me? Well it gets on your nerves after a while. “Jack don’t do that, don’t do this………………..” On and on and on she drones. I did have Nan running up and down the stairs all morning though by saying “poo”, but I didn’t (It’s a great game this, the power you have to make them all go running with just one, simple word). Tonight mummy and I sat on the settee watching telly, drinking milk and eating a huge bowl of sweeties. Heaven. She can go and do extra hours at work any time she likes. There’s nothing like a guilty conscience.
2019: Mums in Tenerife getting some winter sun. Hopefully they’ll be sweeties when she gets back! Meanwhile I don’t envy her those extra work hours – my day has been long, long, long insulating loft after loft! And as for poo – well that makes me go running now due to the wonder of Chron’s. Karma apparently.
#crohns #sweets #family #pottytraining #karma #work #childhood #adulthood #growingup
1999: Slept the whole night in my own bed, I must be slacking, will have to do better than that tonight. Before we left for Edon’s today, I spied a big tube of Smarties, which someone had apparently dropped round for me last night. What a treat, I’m not usually allowed, but I’ve seen them now mum – you should have hidden them sooner (I mean you had all night). Meanie head said that I couldn’t have them for breakfast, so I decided to take them with me. I put them on the dashboard and guzzled my drink. Mum tried all sorts of distractions, but I know her game, she was hoping I would forget they were there. Is she stupid? I mean she’d remember her sweeties so what makes her think I wouldn’t remember mine? I humoured her, responded to her distractive ramblings and once at Edon’s got out of the car, Smarties tightly clenched in hand.
2019: Well mums away in Tenerife and I’ve been working hard all day and grabbing what I can to snack on. To be fair, I love my sweets still, but know chocolate really effects my Chron’s so I tend to avoid this. Along with spicy food and nuts – so what did mum put in my Christmas sack – Wasabi bloomin nuts!
#ditzy #humour #toddlers #childhood #adulthood #chocolate #food #crohns