August 16th – When Work was a Fairy Tale

1999:   Mums back to work today, thank goodness; she’s giving me breathing space at last.  We were both much happier this morning, especially when I knew I was going to Nanny’s and I waved mummy off with a kiss and a smile.  Ahh.  Peace at last.  I made Nanny proud today, we went to see Nanny’s friends and I was on my bestest behaviour.  I have to prove my mummy wrong, all these terrible stories she tells Nan about me.  I fell asleep on the way home and Nan woke me up at 5.00 when I found myself on the settee and saw that Pa was already home.  I was very excited to see him and mummy as she walked in but I didn’t really want to be awake.  Pa has bought me a lovely box of books full of fairy tales.  It’s like a little brief case, so I keep setting off to work, just like mummy. 

2019:  If only work were a fairy tale. I really need a career change but everywhere wants grade C English and I got a D. Mum suggested going to night school but as I pointed out, I couldn’t do it every day practicing, I’m not likely to get it now with my dyscalculia. I really fancy doing repartition work or working at a funeral directors. Saw a job for the mortuary at Great Ormond Street today but when I rang I discovered the post had already gone.  Went to mums this morning to help fix the shower in my old room. Mum noted me wearing a new outfit – retail therapy with her Sainsburys card! I also managed to get out for a haircut so feeling a little better.

#toddlers #mums #childhood #adulthood #work #money #grandparents #goodbehaviour #fairytales #mental health #anxiety #depression #haircut #newclothes

August 15th – Play Time was so Much Fun

1999: Awoke at six to find mum next to me. She managed to contain me until 6.45 when I went in to see Dandell. Soon we were all up making bedlam, mayhem and lots of mess and noise. Mum didn’t take too well to all this and got up with the right grumps at half eight when we all went down for breakfast. We didn’t stay long – mum looked like she’d wet herself after I’d dropped a whole cup of orange over us and then I swiped Dandell for no apparent reason. (I know the reason. They always say “what did you do that for? And just coz a guy can’t speak they think it was for no reason. Well, even when I can speak I’m not gonna tell. So there!) Once home we watched videos and generally dossed with a 2 hour afternoon nap. We were awoken by the ice cream man. We ran out and got there just in time to get screwballs with sweeties. I played in the garden for a while, shouting for Emma through the fence and decided to do a wee on the grass while her and her brother looked through the spy holes. We all thought it was really funny, except for the miserable old uns of course.

2019: Back to the doctors today for a further two week sick note. I’m feeling a little better but if I go back to work tomorrow on the phones (which is my biggest anxiety) and someone starts having a go at me then I might just lose the plot and my job. This is not the best job for me but its easier on my Crohn’s than manual work and I need a steady income. Triggers: Work and money!

#toddlers #childhood #adulthood #work #money #friends #mums #play mental health #anxiety #depression #crohns

August 14th – Getting out and About

1999:  I now have the knack of creeping into mum’s bed.  She kept on waking up and finding me next to her – no matter how many times she put me back in my own bed.  The bathrooms looking a bit better now, it appears to have had another darker coat.  Those elves have been busy lately.  We went to see mum’s friends Rita and Martin today and I had great fun playing on the rope swing with their kids Gareth and Ceryn. I had a chat to Dandell on the phone this afternoon which had me laughing, giggling and saying “again, again”.  Then Aunty Eesa came on the phone and told mum Dandell had been burping down the phone.  What else do they expect a 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 year old to talk about?  The country’s economy? We went to Donals for our tea and then called round to see Dev (mum went to see him, I went to see his bike) and then on to Aunty Eesa’s.  Dandell and Dessica were in bed so I had to play quietly (ha, ha) until I went to bed in Aunty Eesa’s bed at nine.  My latest catch phrases are: “what happened mummy?”, “Dear dear” and “I don’t know mummy, I don’t know”.  This kinda says a lot about what my mum gets up to. 

2019:  Mum has managed to sort out her Sainsburys credit card which means I can pay my phone and car insurance for this month and take over the payments of it. I went over to collect it and Mum took me to Pizza Hut for lunch. I coped fairly well with being out, although intolerant of the brats running around and jumping on seats. It felt good to be able to eat a whole pizza again. I’m mostly snacking on rubbish and cannot be arsed to cook. Mum took me to Tescos and bought lots of healthy snacks for me to munch on. Fruit, veg and humus.

#toddlers #mums #childhood #adulthood #bills #money #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #Tescos #PizzaHut sleeping #decorating #playing

August 13th – Kids and Mums

1999: Friday 13th with 3 tired screaming kids and two ratty mothers. We were up at 6.45 but the biguns, who had slept downstairs, wouldn’t let us down until half eight!  And this was only when Dessica and I had had enough of trashing the bedroom and decided to have a crying and screaming competition for our respective mothers, whilst trying to see who could cry and scream the loudest and hardest.  We went out late morning.  Where to?  B & Q!  As if mum isn’t bad enough, does Aunty Eesa really have to drag her out again?  And all that for …………….. One paint brush?!   We stopped at a pub on the way home that had ‘inflatable fun’.  I loved the big, bouncy slide but I couldn’t quite understand the other children.  They must be very boring.  Who wants to stand around in lines when you could be whizzing down a slide?  It started to rain and we were bundled back into the camper van quite hastily.  Why?  Because now they want to go to Macro!  I give up.  Aunty Eesa bought a blind  and that was the extent of the trip.  Mum was either being very restrained or very broke.  The girls stayed for tea (pasta again!) followed by rice pudding.  Talk about carb overload.  Anyone would think they wanted us to sleep or something! 

2019:  Another day in but am starting to get out more on social media and shared this from My Inner Momologue:

I grew up watching mom handle any and every obstacle life put in her way. She went through shit which I’m sure kept her up crying at night but she still got up every morning and did an amazing job raisin us. I could never be weak. I learnt from the best.

I now understand why it was so difficult to get her up of a morning!

#toddlers #kids #childroon #childhood #adulthood #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #mums #friends #shopping #facebook

August 12th – Daily Battles

1999: Oooh.  Help.  Think mum’s turned into an axe murderer.  She must have killed Postman Pat and his van and splattered them all over the bathroom wall.  This can be the only plausible explanation as to why the walls are now a bloody, pillar box red!  Even my mum would surely not spend time and money painting the bathroom to make it look like this?!  Forget the sunglasses; we need the eclipse viewers to go for a wee now.   And she was worried about the gold carpet!  Mum wasn’t in a very good mood this morning.  She went ballistic when she stood on the wet rug in the lounge, accusing me of weeing it.  If only she’d have smelt it before her paddy she would have realised it was juice.  We went to see Aunty Karen and Agal and we all went to the zoo a Colchester.  It cost nearly ten pound to get in and mummy claims it’s the first time she’s had to pay for a nervous breakdown!  I don’t know what her problem is, I was quiet happy wandering around on my own for 10 minutes or so.  When she caught up with me I was marched off to some office and made to say sorry to the lady.  The lady said it was okay, lots of parents get lost every day!  As we were leaving I heard her on the radio saying “the little boy has been found”.  Oh dear.  Someone’s mummy must have been worried. Agal and I had a lovely time and I fell asleep on the drive home from Karens and woke up to find myself at the dentist for my first proper check up. I’ve got all 20 baby teeth and the man says they are okay.  I sat in his big chair, looked at a big light and opened my mouth as I’d seen mum do a hundred times before me.  I got two stickers and so I gave one to mummy but I’ve since lost mine.  When we got home Nanny came round to examine the disaster area, or murder scene, and gave us some compensatory advice (Oh God, what’s mother going to do now? Only time will tell).  Eesa came over tonight and I played with Dandell and Dessica until half eight and then we were off to bed; Dandel and I in mum’s bed and Dessica in mine.  There was lots and lots of giggling until ten when I was transferred to my bed and Dessica into mummy’s with Dandell. Ooops!  We were trying to be quiet. 

2019: I was always wandering off especially in Asda. Id walk directly to the customer service desk just so I could get spoilt and listen to “Would the mother on Jack please come to Customer Services” be announced over the tannoy! No going out, getting lost or socialising today although I am keeping contact with the outside world on the x box an looking forward to Call of Duty Modern Warfare being released on 25th October

#toddlers #childhood #adulthood #mums #friends #zoo #colchester #dentist #teething #painting #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #xbox #CallofDuty

August 11th – Motorbike Freedom

1999:  We headed for the shops again today.  Mother Care first stop – to get the buggy temporarily repaired as for a full fixture they wanted 25 quid!  I thought it was great fun in there though, mum lost me several times, as I wandered around with my own little trolley looking at toys and wetting myself.  Once she caught up with me I was dragged out by a rather unhappy mummy.  Well how does she think I feel being dragged out from this paradise?  And what for?  To go to bloomin’ B & Q again, that’s what.  She’s changed her mind (again) overnight for the colour of the bathroom.   We had to stop mid shop, run outside and look around for some sort of legendry lunar eclipse. I don’t know what all the excitement was about – it just looked a bit dark to me.  Still, at least I got a break from the shop.  Back at home we  started dismantling the bathroom.  I was a bit worried when mum started taking the cabinet down off the wall.  I held her leg, whilst she stood on the chair, and said “mind head mummy”.  She said she would, but as soon as I let go of her leg the cabinet fell on her head!  Dev came round this afternoon on his bike, but we had to walk over to the park where I proceeded to wee myself twice (well if she’d only let me go on the bike……).

2019:  You’d think from my diaries I would have grown up to hate shopping but I actually love it. Especially clothes and shoes. No shopping today though as anxiety and low mood keeps me in. I loved motorbikes from a young age and would love to have a bike again now as that used to get me away from my low mood and let me feel free and turn my anxiety adrenaline into excitement

#toddlers #mums #childhood #adulthood #pottytraining #eclipse #MotherCare #B&Q #DIY #Decorating #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #motorbikes

August 10th – Shopping Blues

1999:  Nanny came round to help mum choose a new lounge carpet from the samples we got in Allieds.  Personally I liked the bright gold but they opted for a duller (more boring) colour.  What the heck, it will look more colourful once I get to work on it.  Off we went to Allied to order the chosen carpet then to B & Q and finally we went to Pizza Hut for a buffet lunch.  Unfortunately mummy noticed MFI just as we were leaving.  Then she had the cheek to wake me up after only five minutes kip in the car to drag me round Macro’s!  Well, we’ll see about that.  I put paid to her plans and we left after 5 minutes.  Sounds fair to me, 5 minutes kip = 5 minutes shopping. We went to Kim and Barry’s tonight and he took lots of photos of me on his new computer camera. It’s great as you can see the pictures straight away and print them but I had to keep on posing until they were happy with the shot!

2019:  And to think …. now I buy a phone dependent on the camera! At least now mum cant forget to put the film n. No shopping today. Still struggling to go out but at least Zof is home today. We have been looking at houses to buy in Norwich though but tied in to renting here until March next year

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #toddlers #mums #grandparents #growingup #carpets #Allieds #B&Q #Pizzahut

August 9th – Life’s Ups and Downs

1999:   Into mum’s bed at half three as I was soaking wet, as was the bed.  Mum changed me and then I snuggled down in her bed whilst she went to sort out the wet sheets.  Well there’s no point us both being up is there?!  I was restless from half six but mum had to put up with it, as she wouldn’t budge until eight when I definitely wanted my milk.  She wasn’t very happy saying she had a headache.  Well so did I.  I was dehydrated.  She soon cheered up when she got back into bed as I gave her a big cuddle and said “I love you”.  Have I said something wrong?  I’ve made her cry again.   We went to Wickes to get  shingle for the path that mum is making and then we went to see Aunty Eesa.  We all piled in the camper van and went to Donals and then to Allieds to choose a new carpet for the lounge.  Dessica and I were having great fun clambering over all the expensive rugs, until Dandell grassed on us!   We had fun while it lasted though.  On the way home Dessica and I were worn out so started nodding off.  Peace and relaxation.  What’s that racquet?  Mum stop singing.  Can’t you see we’re trying to sleep? “Mary, Mary” and “Twinkle, twinkle” at the top of her voice, on and on she went while Dessica and I just stared in amazement at one another.  What possible reason could there be for this outburst other than the fact that she’s finally flipped?!

2019: Well now I know the singing was purposefully to keep us awake so we weren’t up half the night! I’m sleeping pretty well now with the Mirtazapine but I’m also eating everything in sight. I’m too demotivated to cook so eating lots of junk and cant motivate to get to the gym. Been playing on x-box again and Mum dropped the Wii and Wii fit round today so I might be able to get a little bit of exercise. Mum also dropped round a framed phot of me and Zof at the Crohn,s and Colitis Ball we went to in February.

#toddlers #mums #parents #friends #carpets #Wickes #alied #macdonalds #grandparents #anxiety #depression #mental health #crohns #photos #gym #xbox #Wii #exercise #eating #mums #crohnsandcolitis #pottytraining #bedwetting

August 8th – Painting the Town Blue

1999: Got into mum’s bed this morning only for her to get out and get into mine 20 minutes later..  Who wriggles?  Not me!  I went looking for her at seven and kicked her out to get juice and milk.  Gran collected me to go and see daddy  where I weed my trousers and then the floor and eventually the potty.  I played in the garden tonight and painted my car, just like old times – before holiday.  I had to have a bath afterwards as I was covered in blue paint (along with the garden).  I tried to cuddle mummy before I got in but she said “No. Not with painty hands”.  What’s the matter with you mother?  They’re dry.  And I told her “No. They alright now” and I got my cuddle.  I had hiccups in bed tonight and when mum  asked where my bottle was and I said “I don’t know mummy, I don’t know” (how can she ever get mad with me?)  After much hunting, she found my bottle and set off to get me some juice (which is all very well but have you tried drinking with a sharp intake of breath?)  I think I’ll stick to the hiccups, less chance of choking that way.

2019:  Mum rang this morning to see if I wanted to go with her to see nan and Pa today but I opted to stay home again. I don’t like people seeing my unhappy side and the anxiety is confining at the moment. Mum sent me some ambulance jobs, but didn’t read the bits where they wanted 2 & 3 years full licence and 2 years driving experience but she’s emailed them for me anyway. Mum also rang my consultants secretary. He is just back from leave and they are waiting for the biopsy results from my colonoscopy before he reviews me for infusions. Hopefully this will be soon.

#childhood #adulthood #toddlers #parents #grandparents #anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #crohn’s #painting #playing #pottytraining #cute #hiccups #drinks #jobhunting #ambulancejobs #driving #infusions

August 7th – Journeys Home and Cancelled Travel Plans

1999: Up at eight, got in to bed with mummy and milk and then realised we were in my bed.  How did that happen then?  Mummy said “I love you” and I said “yes. Love you”.  Am I supposed to cry every time she says it to me?  I went out for a last play with the caraban neighbourhood whilst they packed our cases.  On the way home we had to stop at the services because they thought I’d pooed my nappy.  Bloomin cheek, isn’t a child allowed to fart anymore?  I fell asleep after that as I guessed they’d be less chance of me being disturbed and awoke just as we arrived home. I played with my toys, watched Po, Pat and tots TV and played in the garden.  It’s lovely to see them all again!  I had a lovely big bubble bath and went to bed at half eight with my new Thomas the Tank light that Nanny bought as a reminder of our lovely holiday.

2019:  Another low and demotivated day. Mum called round to pick up all my hospital letters as is trying to claim back my Australia Visa money as Crohns continues to stop travels and it expired in March. Still waiting to hear from my consultant about infusions. Mum tried to tempt me out of the flat for a cuppa but anxiety was just too much again today and I opted to stay in and play on x-box. Will try again tomorrow …..

#toddlers #childhood #adulthood #holidays #caravans #journeys #toilettraining #xbox #anxiety #depression #australia #travelling #crohns #infusions