1999: Up at 6.15. Laid in bed with mum for five minutes then went off to do a wee. She heard the door go, the stool being moved to the light switch, the light going on, the stool being moved back to the toilet and then “Muuuum”. I love independence but I just can’t get to grips with these undercarriage, baby vest poppers! So assistance followed. We had a long cuddle on the settee until seven when mum left me to watch Playbus and eat my bix. Despite the bix I needed lactulose and prayed it would work because I’m really not keen on the alternative. Went to ‘Open Door’ this morning and had my photo taken, but Edon had to stand behind the man and pull faces as I looked so serious. I was only taking an interest in the technology. I didn’t know I was supposed to laugh at it. I later told mummy that I “didn’t like man” as he was “bright”. I wanted bacon for tea, which was duly cooked with spaghetti and I ate a whole mouthful. Well how am I supposed to eat with all this poo inside me? I can’t go, because it hurts, so I had a nice warm bath to make it better, followed by more lactulose which mummy spilt all over the floor, washing machine and herself.
2019: I slept and slept today until 2am. I didn’t see mums step by step England v Argentina rugby texts until it was well and truly over. This equated to one try, one penalty, one scrap and one red card just 17 minutes in! We won and now for France…… Went over to mums tonight for Indian takeaway (that should keep the bowels flowing) and picked Kiegan up for a x-box sesh tonight.
#childhood #adulthood #Indian #food #toilettraining #crohns #constipation #rugby #England #Argentina