September 11th _ When Reality Hits …..

1999: Up bright and early as usual for a Saturday. We went swimming where I spent most of my time jumping and belly flopping.  We were going to go to Donals but I didn’t want to go.  Instead we went to Asda and bought lunch which we ate in the park (I ate the Satsuma and chocolate roll but I let mum have the boring old ham sandwiches).  It was very hot today so we didn’t stay at the park long as mum had forgotten the sun cream and the hats.  We went to the shop to buy a birthday present for Josh and mum bought a big, red double decker bus.  We spent the afternoon in the garden playing with the sand and water.  I also played at being a bin man, ice-cream man, fireman and policeman.  I’m  having an identity crisis and fourteen years too early.  We ate tea in the garden and after my bath fell asleep on the settee mid ‘Postman Pat’.

2019: Today I played taxi driver. Took mum and Zof to nanny and Pa’s for lunch and then mum on to her pain management appointment in Norwich. Mum gave me wrong directions at one point and it all got a bit fraught – but me with her which was a role reversal. I think this is the point that mum caught on that I actually hadn’t been taking my Mirtazapine. The thing is, I was so excited about my proposal and keyed up for this, that I thought I was going to be ok. Then reality hit in. 

#toddlers #mums #driving #play #reality #anxiety #depression #medication

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I may do stupid things and make light of them but deep down there’s a reason and I love exploration, even if I cannot fully understand the outcome!

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