April 12 – Melt Down

1999: Whilst Mum had a bath this morning I trashed my bedroom. Edon’s without a nappy all day today.  When mum picked me up we had to run to the car as really heavy hailstones fell from the sky.  We got a bit wet (and bruised!)  Once home I had a strop for about 5 minutes, I rolled around, screamed and kicked my legs.  Why?  Because I FELT LIKE IT!  I soon calmed down when mum poured me some juice.  We couldn’t play in the garden tonight because of the weather, so we cooked tea and watched Tell Tubs and I fell asleep cuddling mum and drinking tea.

2019: Complete melt down tonight. 20 years on and again I rolled around and screamed, but this time I smashed my fists against the walls, I wished I was dead, I cried and cried  until 2am. It is so hard getting out of bed every day. I feel exhausted before I even start my days work. I’m 22. I should be able to say “hey I’ve got this” but I really haven’t right now. Zof saw me at my very worst, she hugged me and held me until I fell asleep and there I am lucky. If you don’t have a Zof then please find someone to talk to and keep yourself safe

#crohns #chronic illness #depression #anxiety #suicide awareness #talk #men


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I may do stupid things and make light of them but deep down there’s a reason and I love exploration, even if I cannot fully understand the outcome!

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