1999: I slept right the way through in my own bed again. Mummy says that this is hopefully the continuing start of the new month. I say there’s nothing like lulling somebody into a false sense of security. After all who’s she trying to kid? Mummy went into the bathroom upon getting up, rather than going straight downstairs for my milk. How dare she keep me waiting? I threw myself on the floor in protest and cried as though I had fallen and hurt myself. However, mother continued to sit on the throne, so for that I have decided that she will not be able to do anything right for the rest of the morning. I decided to take my football with me to Edons this morning. Mummy thought I was going to cry as she went to leave, I made sure there was a moment of doubt, but then decided that playing ball with the other kids was far more fun, so I let her go – minus the usual kiss of course. When mum came to pick me up I was asleep. She pushed me in the buggy to the car and as she started to get me out I awoke, and greeted her with a smack in the face. How dare she rudely awaken me from my 4-hour slumber? I gave in a bit when mum fed me stew, which Aunty Bim had brought round last night. I got very sticky though and mum fetched a wet wipe to which I responded with a resounding ‘no’ and walked out to the kitchen reaching for the tap. Honestly, when will she realise I’m not a baby anymore, I’m quite capable of washing my own hands – well, when it suits me anyway.
2019: I have no fuel or money for the van and there is nothing forward coming from the company who are now also docking me £70 a week for the fender bender. Mum offered to lend me £20 for fuel but I don’t want to keep borrowing so declined. The firm then told me not to bother today so I’m £85 down and then rang me at 4pm asking me to go to Yarmouth to put right someone else’s bodge jobs from the day. And I did. Well it was on my way to Zofs ……….