January 17th – Cuddles and Holding Hands

1999: We didn’t do an awful lot this morning, as I’m going to see daddy today.  We just had lots of cuddles, watched telly and played.  Mummy made me bacon sandwiches but I didn’t want them, I’d found the chocolate biscuits instead.  These were followed by two cups (bottles) of tea, one of which was just before Granddad arrived to take me to see daddy and when mummy looked I’d dribbled it all down my new aaron jumper, which had been knitted for me for Christmas.  Quick change and we were ready just in time.  Granddad delivered me back home at 5.00, fast asleep, and with reports of me being as “good as gold”.  I have brought back two cards with me, but mum won’t let me open them yet.  But I want it to be my Birthday now. I kept on calling mum “dad”; things can get so confusing at times.  Despite going to bed at eight, I couldn’t sleep and when I heard mum coming up to bed an hour later, I went to be with her, which I thought was great fun.  This was allowed as she’s going back to work tomorrow and we both feel sad after such a lovely week.

2019:  Day of working, then hair cut and mandala tattoo on the side of my head. Zof came to meet me and hold my hand to reassure herself more than me. It didn’t actually hurt that much but the holding hand part was good. And as for Dad – well I haven’t seen or had positive acknowledgement from him for about 5 years.

#toddlers #childhood #adulthood #growingup #tattoos #parents #grandparents #love

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I may do stupid things and make light of them but deep down there’s a reason and I love exploration, even if I cannot fully understand the outcome!

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