Hi! My names Jack C.A. Born 21st January 1997. My Mum and Dad separated just before my first birthday and I live at home with Mum. She works full time and so I do most of my growing up at the child minders – four and a half days to be precise – affectionately known as “Edon”. I spend half a day with my Nan and the weekends, mornings and evenings with Mum. My Mum and mornings just do not go, she is the worst person in the world for getting up and when she eventually does it’s usually rush, rush, rush, nag, nag, nag – like it’s my fault we’re late! Breakfast usually consists of some strange concoction of yoghurts, bananas, marmite sarnies ………. not so much for the convenience factor but more because I just don’t find cereal very appealing.
Mum has a younger brother – Uncle Terry, he’s a comedian but I do my best to upstage him. He’s 6 years younger than Mum and she reckons I’m the dead spit of him as a kid. In fact, she often looks to the skies and asks what she did to deserve him twice in one lifetime. Charming!
Mum and I go out and about from time to time with friends or receive visitors at home. Amongst these are Bim (who was actually there when I was born – very mucky business apparently), Eesa and her bundles of joy Dandell and Dessica, Karen and A’gal. Dev is a male version of the visitor species whom Mummy met when he was laying her carpets last year and I really, really like him as he has a wicked motor bike.
The thing is it’s now 1999 and I’m apparently about to enter my “terrible two’s.” Well at least it’s only for a year – adults are just terrible full stop. Adults! Huh. Those moaney, whingey, whiney creatures who have the cheek to constantly condemn our behaviour without even trying to understand us. So I thought it about time that one of us toddlers hit back and tell it our way.
THE WAY IT REALLY IS – THEN AND NOW!