Happy New year, and what a way to start it. First bum change of the year occurred at 12.25 a.m. when Mummy discovered that my nappy was rather full. Well at least she didn’t disturb me. Nor did I bat an eyelid at midnight when she came to wish me a happy new year – I just kept on snoozing. Well what does she expect, I’m a kid after all, and it’s just like any other old night to me. She should be thankful. She won’t be so happy in years to come when I roll in drunk and slur “Happy New Year” with my head down the toilet! This morning mummy just wanted to carry on sleeping. After 5 minutes of me lifting up her eyelids and saying “hello”, putting my finger up her nose and pulling back the covers shouting “up”, she gave in. My Mummy is such a lazy bones and she takes forever to wake up, but we get there in the end (with a bit of persistence). I walked all through the mud getting to the car and once settled inside, tapped the bottom of my trainers and got mud all over my hands. Mummy said, “Don’t do that. Are you mad?” I simply looked at her and replied “yes”. Well what chance do I have living with her? I spent the day with Nanny and Grandpa (Pa) and my Great Granddad (Bomper) came round too. Pa has made me my very own wooden footstool to help me reach the toilet and taps and I have taken it everywhere with me today. My new phrase is “in a minute”. I’m only repeating what all these big people keep saying.
Last night was the expected drunken mess in Norwich with my girlfriend Zofia getting home at 11.00am this morning. No vomiting or slurring as predicted 20 years ago but I did have some sleep between partying and coming home but very tired. Opted to spend the day in bed whilst mum and my step dad Mark went to Nanny and Pa’s for lunch. Still, I faired better than Mark who’s drunken exploits led him to face plant the road and he is now sporting a very swollen, grazed and bruised forehead and nose. See – its still the blooming grown ups causing all the issues!
OH – and there is NO WAY I will walk though mud for anyone in my trainers nowadays or allow anyone to eat, drink, muddy or mess up MY CAR! I still save all that for mums.