September 19th – Long Meh Days

1999: The house looks a bit tidier now, think mum must have been up all night. Toast and milk for brekkie. Mum started doing a shopping list and I raided the cupboard – mostly fruit cocktail.  Mum thought she had the house sorted, which she did, until I pulled the curtain rail off the wall.  We waited for half an hour to get my feet measured at Childrens World this morning and then we gave up.  Went to MFI to look at my new bed that mum has ordered – wicked!  Had chips from Donals drive through, went to Aunty Eesa’s and onto Somerfield where I went in the crèche with the girls. Once home again, with cupboards re-stocked, we had juice and crisps and then I wanted a lollipop.  We looked in the tin and there was only one left.  Mum said “what about me?”  I thought for a minute and found the solution – “mummy have one later”.  She laughed.  It worked – I got the lolly and fell asleep at half five on my bean bag.

2019: That day sounds exhausting. I am completely drained these last few days. Not sure if it is the depression, anxiety, medication or my Crohn’s but I am just completely meh. Today is gonna be long and just stretching out before me ……..

#crohns #depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #kids #parents #shopping

September 18th – No Spills in MY New House

1999:  Very husky this morning, mummy and Nanny thought my tonsils were swollen so off to the doctors for medicine that goes in your mouth this time.  The whole house is in mummy’s bedroom and the kitchen – what a mess.  I helped Pa build my house with slide which is absolutely brilliant (and tidy).  Dev came just after lunch to lay my bedroom carpet and replace the lounge one.  I fell asleep in the garden on my beanbag whilst the work carried on around me.  I woke up just as Dev was finishing and I waved him goodbye.  Mum and Nan blitzed the place and moved the furniture back.  I felt grouchy though, everyone was so busy they hardly noticed me.  Don’t they love me anymore?  I’m always the centre of attention.  We had fish and chips for tea and I managed to drop my fork, covered in ketchup of course, on the new carpet.  That’s one way to direct the attention back to me I guess  Went to bed in my own bedroom complete with my new teddy bear carpet.

2019: I was always dropping things – still do. Dyspraxia or just not paying attention? Who knows. I think the best one was n Lincolnshire when we’d just renovated the lounge complete with new carpet. I was about 8 and carrying spaghetti bolognaise through to the lounge and watched in horrified slow motion as it just slipped off of my plate. Mum was pretty cool about it though. She was more upset for me losing my favourite dinner so I got to share hers.

#food #kids #parents #family #carpentry #playhouse #carpets #spillages

September 17th – Hidden Disability

1999:  Resistive to going to Edons.  Mum tried to brighten the day by reminding me I had playschool this morning.  I responded with “not play school again mummy”.  That stumped her.  Anyway, I had a lovely day and made a collage and painting.  Was very tired this afternoon though – frustration city.  By the time mum got me in the car I was sobbing (well I tried the evil glare first but that just didn’t seem to work).  I was all right by the time we got home though and had a “little” play in the garden, ate wiggly worms (more boringly known as ‘noodles’) and went to sleep.

2019: Today I have applied for my Blue Badge for parking for a hidden disability. Just waiting for the glares I get for “running” to the disabled loo and walking out with a look of relief. But anyone following after my Crohn’s  poo may well change their mind!

#crohns #disability #kids #mums #childminders #bluebadge

 

September 16th – The Strength of Living with Anxiety

1999: U p with the alarm.  Had a good day at Edons but put my tantrum head on for mum’s arrival and remained whingey for the rest of the evening.

2019: So not much to write. But many years on I discovered mum also suffers with anxiety and depression. Thanks for the genes! But I also know anxiety isn’t weakness. Living with anxiety , turning up and doing stuff with anxiety, takes a strength most will never know.

#anxiety #mentalhealth #depression #childhood #adulthood #mums

September 15th – Suicide Awareness

1999:  Had lemon curd sandwiches for my lunch. Mum thinks this is revolting enough but when Nan told her I’d added cheese to the equation she felt sick.  Shows how much she knows – it was very nice “actually”.  Pa has built my steps for my playhouse which I used to climb up and down his shed today.  I had my bath at Nanny’s and went to sleep in mum’s bed again.

2019: A year ago today found me and Zof at the top of Snowden (which inspired my run up it for charity this year). On this occasion I lay roses in memory of Ibish Peri, who had taken his own life a few days before, leaving many people in Norwich astounded and saddened. Suicide is the leading cause of death in men under the age of 45 in the UK. We all need to look out for each other, ask the right questions, encourage people to get support, be there and just listen but, more importantly, we all need to learn to reach out. There is ALWAYS SOMEONE there for you and your feelings will change and it will not be like this forever.

Suicide Hotline Numbers:

UK Samaritans (call free) 116 123

USA 1-800-273-8255

Canada 1-800-456-4566

Ireland 116 123

Philippines 2919

Australia 131 114

 #mentalhealth #suicide #malesuicide #snowdon #kids #mums #grandparents

September 14th – Pressure Leads to Explosions!

1999:  Couldn’t poo this morning and this continued the whole day resulting in me telling everyone my bum ‘hurt’, ‘stung’ or was ‘sore’.  I didn’t want any tea and was crying with tummy pain, with a very large tummy.  Off to the doctors we went.  It’s quite good now, what with me being a great actor an all, mum says “put your poorly head on” and I carry the role to perfection.  This saves face for mum coz usually I scream at home and am happy as Larry when we get to the docs.  I was sat on mums lap in the waiting room when I let out a yell and doubled over in pain.  Mum thought I was playing the role very well – she thought I was giving birth.  I was – first the waters broke and then I gave birth to my first poo.  Bliss.  We still went in to see the doctor though who confirmed I was constipated and has prescribed medicine, enemas and suppositories.  Lovely, I like medicine.  Mum says I probably wont like this though as it goes somewhere different from the usual.  We went to the chemist, me with no trousers or pants and mum looking as though she’d wet herself (perfect aim, even if I do say so myself).  What they all looking at then?  There are some weird people in this town. 

2019: Well nice to know I had difficulty way back then! Although no problem pooing since my fried food last night. I  know I shouldn’t have but fish and chips but was just a craving and was great whilst it lasted! Today Zof and I went to mum and Marks to try and sell their house as they are away. Mum text me: No pressure. But you need to sell as just got a letter from Halifax. Mortgage is going up to £961 next month! Not good when she is in the process of being medically retired. We put our best sale head on. Now to wait …..

#constipation #crohns #housesale #mms #kids #acting

 

September 13th – Flannel Therapy

1999:  Apparently I kept crying out in my sleep last night – dreaming or poorly – who knows?  Not me – I was asleep!  I had Calpol this morning as was feeling grouchy and a bit chesty.  Playschool this morning and did another painting which I proudly told mummy was “for you”, when she came to collect me.  Tonight  I had a play in the garden and after tea had a bath with mum which was great fun – throwing flannels at each other!  All the walls in my room are now painted and for once mum’s done it right with the colour choice. I went to sleep in mummy’s bed tonight as mum doesn’t seem to want to trust me with the wet paint.

2019: Perhaps flannel throwing therapy would be good right now. I think the hardest thing about Crohn’s is not the physical issues, it’s the mental and psychological side that’s the hardest to cope with and control. I had a pre medical app with my gastro and he said “I presume you don’t want another surgery” I said no…but now I think about it, honestly…I’d rather endure a few weeks of recovery again to have the possibility of all the ulcerations removed to stop at least a part of the issue, than have to start trialing a new medication again. –

I think it’s more PTSD again that even tho i’ve gone through all of my past things like surgery and surviving sepsis with around a 72% chance of death; that I STILL have to be starting over again with the same check ups and trials.

I think it’s tough for men also to speak more openly about mental health and my Crohn’s has a huge impact on my mental health, depression is affected by the amount of serotonin, and 90% of serotonin is from the stomach! So I hope you can see how natural and normal it is if you suffer from mental health issues when you suffer from IBD. –

I personally don’t talk about my issues as I don’t feel like it helps or relieves me, I have my own way of dealing with problems…I guess i’m just here to say that if you suffer then don’t worry, you’re not the only one struggling, find what helps you, find what triggers you, we’re all on a journey and there’s no right or wrong turn, we are all trying to get to the same destination, and we all will; just in a distant time, it’s a marathon, not a Race.

I have now been to pick up my mirtazapine which was prescribed 10 days ago and will hopefully bounce back soon. 

toddlers #mums #kids #parents #crohns #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression