August 17th -Props in Wrong Places

1999: Mum awoke at half four to find me lying next to her and the bed and me soaking wet!  It’s not entirely my fault this time though as she’s had to buy different nappies as the shop had run out of my usual ones and all they seem to do is leak! I snuggled back into my bed with dry, clean pyjamas, and as for mummy?  Well I don’t actually know.  I got into mums bath this morning and ended up staying there for half an hour.  Nanny came round this morning, closely followed by the washing machine man (surprise, surprise).   It looks like we might actually be getting a replacement machine – at last.    Nanny took me to see Aunty June and I was on my best behaviour yet again.  In the kitchen I spied a door to the outside, I opened it but got more than I bargained for as discovered it was actually just a door propped up against the wall!  Luckily it missed me but I was in shock and cried for about 5 minutes (I like the fuss)

2019: A good motivator today – a birthday get together in Essex. Zof and I picked up Mum and Mark and we went to look at Motorhomes on the way – Mums latest pipe dream. We got back in the car and I thought we were going to watch Barking play rugby but it turned out we were watching Wales/England on TV at the party house! Fairly disappointed as was looking forward to a good throw/kick around but not surprised that mum got all the party plan information wrong. It was a good day but I went to bed early as shattered and my sociable side fluctuated

#toddlers #childhood #adulthood #mums #motorhomes #rugby #England #barking pottytraining #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #Wales

August 16th – When Work was a Fairy Tale

1999:   Mums back to work today, thank goodness; she’s giving me breathing space at last.  We were both much happier this morning, especially when I knew I was going to Nanny’s and I waved mummy off with a kiss and a smile.  Ahh.  Peace at last.  I made Nanny proud today, we went to see Nanny’s friends and I was on my bestest behaviour.  I have to prove my mummy wrong, all these terrible stories she tells Nan about me.  I fell asleep on the way home and Nan woke me up at 5.00 when I found myself on the settee and saw that Pa was already home.  I was very excited to see him and mummy as she walked in but I didn’t really want to be awake.  Pa has bought me a lovely box of books full of fairy tales.  It’s like a little brief case, so I keep setting off to work, just like mummy. 

2019:  If only work were a fairy tale. I really need a career change but everywhere wants grade C English and I got a D. Mum suggested going to night school but as I pointed out, I couldn’t do it every day practicing, I’m not likely to get it now with my dyscalculia. I really fancy doing repartition work or working at a funeral directors. Saw a job for the mortuary at Great Ormond Street today but when I rang I discovered the post had already gone.  Went to mums this morning to help fix the shower in my old room. Mum noted me wearing a new outfit – retail therapy with her Sainsburys card! I also managed to get out for a haircut so feeling a little better.

#toddlers #mums #childhood #adulthood #work #money #grandparents #goodbehaviour #fairytales #mental health #anxiety #depression #haircut #newclothes

August 15th – Play Time was so Much Fun

1999: Awoke at six to find mum next to me. She managed to contain me until 6.45 when I went in to see Dandell. Soon we were all up making bedlam, mayhem and lots of mess and noise. Mum didn’t take too well to all this and got up with the right grumps at half eight when we all went down for breakfast. We didn’t stay long – mum looked like she’d wet herself after I’d dropped a whole cup of orange over us and then I swiped Dandell for no apparent reason. (I know the reason. They always say “what did you do that for? And just coz a guy can’t speak they think it was for no reason. Well, even when I can speak I’m not gonna tell. So there!) Once home we watched videos and generally dossed with a 2 hour afternoon nap. We were awoken by the ice cream man. We ran out and got there just in time to get screwballs with sweeties. I played in the garden for a while, shouting for Emma through the fence and decided to do a wee on the grass while her and her brother looked through the spy holes. We all thought it was really funny, except for the miserable old uns of course.

2019: Back to the doctors today for a further two week sick note. I’m feeling a little better but if I go back to work tomorrow on the phones (which is my biggest anxiety) and someone starts having a go at me then I might just lose the plot and my job. This is not the best job for me but its easier on my Crohn’s than manual work and I need a steady income. Triggers: Work and money!

#toddlers #childhood #adulthood #work #money #friends #mums #play mental health #anxiety #depression #crohns

August 14th

1999:  I now have the knack of creeping into mum’s bed.  She kept on waking up and finding me next to her – no matter how many times she put me back in my own bed.  The bathrooms looking a bit better now, it appears to have had another darker coat.  Those elves have been busy lately.  We went to see mum’s friends Rita and Martin today and I had great fun playing on the rope swing with their kids Gareth and Ceryn. I had a chat to Dandell on the phone this afternoon which had me laughing, giggling and saying “again, again”.  Then Aunty Eesa came on the phone and told mum Dandell had been burping down the phone.  What else do they expect a 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 year old to talk about?  The country’s economy? We went to Donals for our tea and then called round to see Dev (mum went to see him, I went to see his bike) and then on to Aunty Eesa’s.  Dandell and Dessica were in bed so I had to play quietly (ha, ha) until I went to bed in Aunty Eesa’s bed at nine.  My latest catch phrases are: “what happened mummy?”, “Dear dear” and “I don’t know mummy, I don’t know”.  This kinda says a lot about what my mum gets up to. 

2019:  Mum has managed to sort out her Sainsburys credit card which means I can pay my phone and car insurance for this month and take over the payments of it. I went over to collect it and Mum took me to Pizza Hut for lunch. I coped fairly well with being out, although intolerant of the brats running around and jumping on seats. It felt good to be able to eat a whole pizza again. I’m mostly snacking on rubbish and cannot be arsed to cook. Mum took me to Tescos and bought lots of healthy snacks for me to munch on. Fruit, veg and humus.

#toddlers #mums #childhood #adulthood #bills #money #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #Tescos #PizzaHut sleeping #decorating #playing

August 13th – Kids and Mums

1999: Friday 13th with 3 tired screaming kids and two ratty mothers. We were up at 6.45 but the biguns, who had slept downstairs, wouldn’t let us down until half eight!  And this was only when Dessica and I had had enough of trashing the bedroom and decided to have a crying and screaming competition for our respective mothers, whilst trying to see who could cry and scream the loudest and hardest.  We went out late morning.  Where to?  B & Q!  As if mum isn’t bad enough, does Aunty Eesa really have to drag her out again?  And all that for …………….. One paint brush?!   We stopped at a pub on the way home that had ‘inflatable fun’.  I loved the big, bouncy slide but I couldn’t quite understand the other children.  They must be very boring.  Who wants to stand around in lines when you could be whizzing down a slide?  It started to rain and we were bundled back into the camper van quite hastily.  Why?  Because now they want to go to Macro!  I give up.  Aunty Eesa bought a blind  and that was the extent of the trip.  Mum was either being very restrained or very broke.  The girls stayed for tea (pasta again!) followed by rice pudding.  Talk about carb overload.  Anyone would think they wanted us to sleep or something! 

2019:  Another day in but am starting to get out more on social media and shared this from My Inner Momologue:

I grew up watching mom handle any and every obstacle life put in her way. She went through shit which I’m sure kept her up crying at night but she still got up every morning and did an amazing job raisin us. I could never be weak. I learnt from the best.

I now understand why it was so difficult to get her up of a morning!

#toddlers #kids #childroon #childhood #adulthood #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #mums #friends #shopping #facebook

August 12th – Daily Battles

1999: Oooh.  Help.  Think mum’s turned into an axe murderer.  She must have killed Postman Pat and his van and splattered them all over the bathroom wall.  This can be the only plausible explanation as to why the walls are now a bloody, pillar box red!  Even my mum would surely not spend time and money painting the bathroom to make it look like this?!  Forget the sunglasses; we need the eclipse viewers to go for a wee now.   And she was worried about the gold carpet!  Mum wasn’t in a very good mood this morning.  She went ballistic when she stood on the wet rug in the lounge, accusing me of weeing it.  If only she’d have smelt it before her paddy she would have realised it was juice.  We went to see Aunty Karen and Agal and we all went to the zoo a Colchester.  It cost nearly ten pound to get in and mummy claims it’s the first time she’s had to pay for a nervous breakdown!  I don’t know what her problem is, I was quiet happy wandering around on my own for 10 minutes or so.  When she caught up with me I was marched off to some office and made to say sorry to the lady.  The lady said it was okay, lots of parents get lost every day!  As we were leaving I heard her on the radio saying “the little boy has been found”.  Oh dear.  Someone’s mummy must have been worried. Agal and I had a lovely time and I fell asleep on the drive home from Karens and woke up to find myself at the dentist for my first proper check up. I’ve got all 20 baby teeth and the man says they are okay.  I sat in his big chair, looked at a big light and opened my mouth as I’d seen mum do a hundred times before me.  I got two stickers and so I gave one to mummy but I’ve since lost mine.  When we got home Nanny came round to examine the disaster area, or murder scene, and gave us some compensatory advice (Oh God, what’s mother going to do now? Only time will tell).  Eesa came over tonight and I played with Dandell and Dessica until half eight and then we were off to bed; Dandel and I in mum’s bed and Dessica in mine.  There was lots and lots of giggling until ten when I was transferred to my bed and Dessica into mummy’s with Dandell. Ooops!  We were trying to be quiet. 

2019: I was always wandering off especially in Asda. Id walk directly to the customer service desk just so I could get spoilt and listen to “Would the mother on Jack please come to Customer Services” be announced over the tannoy! No going out, getting lost or socialising today although I am keeping contact with the outside world on the x box an looking forward to Call of Duty Modern Warfare being released on 25th October

#toddlers #childhood #adulthood #mums #friends #zoo #colchester #dentist #teething #painting #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #xbox #CallofDuty

August 11th – Motorbike Freedom

1999:  We headed for the shops again today.  Mother Care first stop – to get the buggy temporarily repaired as for a full fixture they wanted 25 quid!  I thought it was great fun in there though, mum lost me several times, as I wandered around with my own little trolley looking at toys and wetting myself.  Once she caught up with me I was dragged out by a rather unhappy mummy.  Well how does she think I feel being dragged out from this paradise?  And what for?  To go to bloomin’ B & Q again, that’s what.  She’s changed her mind (again) overnight for the colour of the bathroom.   We had to stop mid shop, run outside and look around for some sort of legendry lunar eclipse. I don’t know what all the excitement was about – it just looked a bit dark to me.  Still, at least I got a break from the shop.  Back at home we  started dismantling the bathroom.  I was a bit worried when mum started taking the cabinet down off the wall.  I held her leg, whilst she stood on the chair, and said “mind head mummy”.  She said she would, but as soon as I let go of her leg the cabinet fell on her head!  Dev came round this afternoon on his bike, but we had to walk over to the park where I proceeded to wee myself twice (well if she’d only let me go on the bike……).

2019:  You’d think from my diaries I would have grown up to hate shopping but I actually love it. Especially clothes and shoes. No shopping today though as anxiety and low mood keeps me in. I loved motorbikes from a young age and would love to have a bike again now as that used to get me away from my low mood and let me feel free and turn my anxiety adrenaline into excitement

#toddlers #mums #childhood #adulthood #pottytraining #eclipse #MotherCare #B&Q #DIY #Decorating #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #motorbikes